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I Sometimes Forget Who I Am

Forget Who I Am

I sometimes forget who I am.  I tend to get focused on tasks and plans and forget to pay attention to what matters in life.

Does this happen to you? 

What I find is that at times my head is down I’m running from one thing to the next and really just wearing myself out and forget who I am and where I’m going.   I usually refocus after being bewildered and remember I am a child of God first and foremost and that whatever I’m doing I’m supposed to be doing for His Glory and not my own.   However, it’s never that easy.   I look at my finished unpublished book, my business endeavors and even my family’s “accomplishments” and wonder when will “we finally make it.”   The truth is that we’ve already made it, we found Jesus.  My only job is to really love Him and love you.

That’s not enough though is it? 

I wish I could be very devout and tell you it’s enough but I honestly feel like God made me for an adventure.  The adventure isn’t sitting on the sidelines waiting for something to happen.  It’s an amazingly wild ride that would call you to do crazy unexpected things.

There that word, unexpected.   

That’s my problem. 

My problem isn’t that I am not doing what I want to do.  The problem is I’ve spent time and invested in dreams.  These dreams are that I created.  Dreams of success in business and in life.  When reality doesn’t measure up to my dream time it’s pretty disappointing.   This one reason why pornography is so appealing and devastating  (Yep, I just went there).

Every time I get down, I get lost, I have to remind myself of whose I am.  I have to remind myself of the love that God has for me.  I can’t spend time crying over my dreams that aren’t fulfilled because what I have to achieve are His dreams.  His dreams for me aren’t poor substitutions for mine, His dreams are far greater.  My life lesson every time comes to this.

His version of success and my version of success are different.

God’s version of success usually means loving someone and seeing them come to know him.  Like a loving family wanting to adopt a child, Christians are supposed to be pursuing the lost.

My version of success and likely yours was shaped by this world.  In my version, I try to prove my value by doing things.  I desperately want someone to tell me I’m valuable.  I dream and make plans so that I can achieve this level of success so that I can one day hear, “well done son, I’m proud of you.”  Not the “I’m proud of you” that we throw around like we do “I love you.”  I mean the pride that causes a parent’s eyes to water.

Anyone reading this sees my folly.  However, I usually have my blinders on.   I’m running so fast I can’t hear your correction.  It’s only after my legs give out and I’m face down in the dirt that I realize, my Heavenly Father has been trying to tell me how proud He is and how much He loves me.  I have a hard time receiving it because I’ve never truly experienced that kind of love from a “father.”    Like a moody teenager, I fight off His love time and time again, but He always pursues me.   He never gives up.

I forget who I am daily.  I’m not a lone wolf set out to conquer the world.   I’m not trying to bring home some sort of award or do something that makes me valuable.

My problem isn’t that I forget who I am, I forget WHOSE I am.

I’m a son.  My Father loves me and is proud of me.  He wants what’s best for me.   He knows that no matter what success I supposedly achieve in the world that it’s not going to fill that spot in my heart that only He can fill.

While I sometimes chase my dreams of worldly success He chases me down.  I think it’s time I let Him catch me.  Maybe you should too.

 

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